


miraculous sinning fruit

by Matsuo_yuki



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, Other, Tbh dont read if you want fluff, guys this is purely made for comedy, i dont know what this is, i dont understand, maybe more chapters?, some one shots imbetween but there is a main story i guess, this is so lazily written sorry, this isnt angst, this isnt fluff, you wont understand
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-20 10:50:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6003024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matsuo_yuki/pseuds/Matsuo_yuki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>what do you get when you combine miraculous with fruits? cucumbers, tomatoes, pineapples and mangoes</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You might aswell check my instagram if you want more info on the whole fruit thing :p

Marinette stretched on her limbs stretching the tiredness out, she looked towards her digital clock “11;00” it read, she sighed. She needed to relieve stress, she needed to get rid of this fatigue… what she really needed was to masturbate . “tikki…” she groaned against her pillow

“what is it Marinette?” the kwami asked concerned

“can... can you go get ‘it’ for me”

“what’s ‘it’” the little creature questioned

“THE CUCUMBER TIKKI” Marinette yelled “I NEED IT NOW” she cried into her pillow once more “please…”

“Marinette , we talked about this… you’ve had a bit of a problem with this…” tikki lowered her voice “ cucumber  fetish …and you said you wanted me to help you stop…”

“But Tikki “she groaned once more; “I really need It…” she began to pout

“Marinette please don’t get mad at me” the kwami began to grow upset  as her holder turned to a different direction. “geez.. well…. If it means this much to you…”

“YAY” marinnette stood straight up from her bed with a heroic stance

“but just this once okay?”

“thanks tikki!”  she smooched her kwami’s cheek before running down the stairs in pure bliss

* * *

 

Marinette stood against the tall white shiny door (aka the fridge), was she ready for this? Hell yeah she was. But was she worthy enough for the cucumber? She heard a faint “yes you are” whispers as she opened the heavenly doors. She felt the light of the fridge bless her skin as there stood her heavenly green master… the cucumber.

“are you ready Marinette?” a deeps voice penetrated her ears

“who said that?!”

“me” Marinette stared into the fridge “I’m talking Marinette” .

“what? But cucumbers can’t talk?!”

“well what am I doing right now?”

“Talking? Okay okay you have a point… so what the hell is going on? Since when did cucumbers talk?”

“Lmao who knows” the cucumber replied with ease

“Lmao okay” she giggled “by the way I’m using you tonight so if you don’t mind…”

“It’s ok don’t worry baby, I’ll make sure you feel good” the cucumber winked.

“You better” she smiled seductively as she gently took the cucumber out of the fridge.

* * *

 

Tikki didn’t want to get involved like last time, so she stayed in the kitchen munching on cookies, waiting for her to be done with the green guy.

Marinette was up in her bedroom  having a shower getting ready for her wild night, she had never been so nervous before… what was going on? Her heart thumped as she dried herself with a white towel, what was this cucumber  doing to her? She wrapped the towel round her and exited the bathroom, as she opened the door the steam flooded out almost like an effect to purposely make her look hotter than she already was;

“Looking good baby” the cumber smiled as he sat comfortably positioned under the covers wearing shades whilst he smoked on a cigarette. “now come here” he motioned her to sit next to him by patting the bed.

Marinette’s heart thumped against her chest, god she was nervous… It wasn’t her first time, well, it was her first time with a talking cucumber, but definitely not her first time with a cucumber.

“Ready baby?” the cucumber hovered on top of her staring into her wet hair and steamed eyes.

“You know it “

The cucumber nodded as it proceeded to kiss Marinette’s neck by rubbing its head along her jaws trailing to her collar bones. He tickled her belly button, playfully teasing with motions familiar with what he was going to do next. “I’m going in”

Marinette felt a cold sharp pain as she felt the green man inside her, his texture sent sensations don’t her spine “oh godddddd….” She groaned “go further ….”

“Anything for you baby” he steadily inserted his body inside her till Marinette caved his whole upper body, he suffocated silently in her volgina juices (Lol).

He pumped his body faster till Marinette quickly orgasmed;

“That was quick” he spat, as he was drooled with her scent along with a wet sticky substance

“sorry…” she breathed heavily “how about you? Didn’t you already cum too?”

“cucumbers can’t come Marinette ….” He replied sadly

“oh… I’m so sorry” oh god Marinette felt bad, talk about bad after sex conversations. She patted in on his back lightly in attempt to make him feel better

“it’s okay” his tone shifted “ I don’t need sympathy. I’ll see you soon I guess “

And just like that. The cucumber got up and walked away, going back to his home (aka the fridge)

* * *

 

“gurl you’ve been spacing out for some time what wrong ?” Alya yelled in attempt to wake her up

“uwahh! Sorry Alya…I just… well-“  
“ is it another guy or something!!”

“what! Alya no.. .You know I only have eyes for Adrien “ she giggled, besides it wasn’t a guy…

“whatever gurl! I know its guy, besides Adrien talked to you twice today and you barely paid attention to the dude”

“what!?-“  
“ So who’s the guy huh ?!”

“well it’s not really a guy…..”

“what? You swinging the other way now???”

“what! No, I just.. well he’s a….” she lowered her voice in a deadly silence “it’s a cucumber…”

“WHAT?”

“alya shh!”

“NO WHAT THE HELL MARINETTE, SINCE WHEN DID YOU HAVE THIS SORT OF FETISH” Alya beamed into laughter “NICE ONE GURL… SUCH A BIG LEAP FROM ADRIEN”

Adrien looked up at the sound of his name as he saw the two girls, one giggling and the other looking a little annoyed

“alya please shhhhh… he’s not just a cucumber geez”

“a cucumber ?” Adrien was being ignored over a cucumber. Are you fucking kidding me?

* * *

 

 Adrien has noticed Marinette hadn’t been paying ‘special’ attention to him, and to be frank he was getting hella annoyed. ‘A FRICKEN CUCUMBER’ he thought ‘SHE CHOOSE A CUUCMBER OVER ME?” Adrien fumed with the mix emotions of anger and jealousy. He was jealous of a cucumber….

‘well” his tone shifted to a confident egotistic sound “if she won’t pay special attention to me maybe she’ll pay attention to a certain cat” he smiled

“Adrien, it’s a cucumber not a fucking real person fucking her “ plagg retorted his thoughts

“shut up plagg either way,  it’s annoying me “  
“Adrien. It’s a cucumber.”

* * *

 

Alya continued to tease Marinette during the day   
“wHAT’s NeXT A TOMaTO?” the dark skinned girl laughed loud as she shoved parents and knocked kids out of the pavement, one of them probably got ran over by a car at some point;

“Alya please….”  
“HAHAHAHA YOU KNOW WHAT…NATHNAEL LOOKS LIKE A TOMATO DOESN’T  HE?!?!” she continued to laugh like a lion “HAHAH YOU GONNA SHOVE THE POOR BOY UP YOU OR U WANT ME TO DO IT”

“as much fun that sounds. No thank you” Marinette retorted

“HAHAH HOW MANY TOMATOES YOU BET CAN FIT IN THE HOLE OF YOURS?”

“Alya!!!!!”

Meanwhile as the girls we mingling and chatting. Up on the window, sat a cucumber.  A jealous cucumber. “how dare she flirt with someone else even though she has me” the cucumber grew mad;

“desperate to catch the girl of your dreams. Even though you are just a fruit, how frustrating. It won’t be long before frustrations turns to anger!”   A voice echoed  “fly away my little akuma, and evlilise him!”

The cucumber grew purple and fairly large”hawkmoth is my name and cute-cumber is now yours. I’ll help you capture the girl of your dreams and all you have to do is capture ladybug and chat noir’s Miraculous’”

“yes hawkmoth”

 


	2. i write sins and cause causalities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DONT READ IF YOU ARE OFFENDED EASILY.  
> this is the first chapter just with a cringey punk rock theme lol enjoy. i may write might aswell write more silly onesots while I'm here. inspired by @mrs.ladynoir on insta ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am sorry. check instagram @cat.noirr for more details about his fruit thing.

Punk rock version of story.

* * *

 

Marinette sighed deeply rubbing her face whilst being careful to not rub her bold eyeliner off; summer had started 5 seconds ago and she already hates it.

“Marinette honey ! I made some raspberry macaroons, I know they’re you favourite!”  sabine’s voice echoed form downstairs

“SHUT UP MOM IM TOO EMO FOR CUTE MACAROONS” she tossed a pillow at the door; it made a loud thud before her mother walked in with the tray

“what? Honey are you listening to that music again? And what’s up with your eyeliner? You look kind of… ‘emo’ sweetie…”

“WHAT SO IS THAT A BAD THING HUH? WHAT’s WRONG WITH BEING EMO? YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND MOM”

Sabine scanned the room to see pieces of paper with scribbles of writing  “oh I see your still writing that poetry huh?”

“ITS NOT POETRY MOM ITS FANFICTION… UGH YOUR SO EMBARESSING”  
“oh like a Romeo and Juliet type of story I see “she giggle sweetly

“I WRITE SINS NOT TRAGEDIES MOM GET OUT”

“oh honey I’m sure you’ll be over this phase soon” and with that she walked back down stairs

“IT’S NOT A PHASE MOM!” she stood up angrily and walked towards the door “AND HAVENT YOU EVER EVEN HEARD OF CLOSING THE GODDAMN DOOR “ she shut the door harshly an she angrilygot walked over to her dvd player, she popped in a blood on the dance floor cd and turned the volume up high.

The music echoed through the bakery and Marinette sang along; “you got me bewitched (cause I’m under your spell~~~)”

(Time skip ;9 in the afternoon)

As the music played she thought deeply about her life, she had so many struggles… she had parents who loved her, she had the greatest friends and she had hospitality. Oh how terrible her life was….

Once she fell asleep on her self-pity, she awoke to a sound of a crash “what the fuck?”

“sup baby”  
“uh wtf are you?”

“im a cucumber lol”  
“lol okay but like m8 why you here”  
“lmao who knows , im only here for the lols”  
“lmao ok wanna fuck?”

“lmao sure got a condom?”  
“oh sorry lol I don’t sorry” Marinette scrummaged through her desk beside her table “ but I have a sandwich bag”

“works for me “

* * *

  
“yo gurl whats up?”  
“Nothing much, just writing some poems on suicide”  
“oh. Rad “

“And you wanna hear  something even more rad dude” Marinette leaned in closer “I lost my virginity to a cucumber last night”

“Lmao okay what the fuck dude “

“its true m8”  
“so what you and this ‘cucumber’ dating now?”  
“I guess so”

 

Adrien’s head swivelled round ‘cucumber?'

* * *

* * *

 

“plagg you don’t  understand, she’s dating a cucumber”

“uh huh , and you seem to be jealous of this fine man…”  
“what no I’m not.. it’s just.. Well you know about how I found out Marinnete was ladybug last night… I… I just don know what to do with my life anymore”

“oh boy here we go again “ Plagg sighed

“being chat noir seemed to be a bad influence on my life… but who am I anymore? Life seems to just to be a pain now… because Plagg. I am a metaphor (blah blah blah)”  


 

 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well? lmao this made no sense didn't


	3. filller tbh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the cucumber is now leaving, but I'm sure he'll come back to the series *winks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of story  
> (in the middle of a battle with cute cumber cause writer felt uncomfortable with writing a fight scene with a cucumber that shoots cum) (even though the writer wrote a porn scene with Marinette and a cucumber Lol)

“IS THAT ALL YOU GOT LADYBUG BRING IT ONNNNNNN”

“LUCKY CHARM!”  upon  the pink sparkles appeared a dildo, it was about 8 inches and about 37.567  in circumference and had a black and red polka dots. “oh I already know what to do with this” ladybug mumbled “ BuT HoW Is THis GOiNG To HeLp!?!”

“well…” Chat snickered “ my lady,  I didn’t know you had these sort of kinks”

 “shut up kitty..-”

“WHAT WHERE DID YOU FIND HER?” the cucumber bellowed “HOW…HOW DID YOU FIND MY LONG LOST TWIN!?!?”

“uh… WAIT.  WHAT THE FUCK?”

“THAT’S MY SISTER!” the cucumber pointed towards the dildo “we... we were separated when we were kids…” (cue sad backstory music) “ you see I came from a village far from here, called Assworth. A few years ago that village burned to the ground from a great fire.

“oh I’m so sorry… “ (Marinnete actually doesn’t give a shit lol)

“don’t be it was my fault”

“what? A village fire is nobody’s fault cucumber-san “

“lol no it was really my fault . I dropped a lighter at the lumberjacks house that started the fire”

“Lol then why you making your back story sound tragic m8?”

“tbh I don’t even know, I’m doing it for the lolz again”  


“haha lmao okay”

“lmao ken den .  can I have my sister now”

“Lmao okay bruh, but hand me your akuma in exchange”

“ okay whatever dude” the cucumber handed over a pair of shades

“Thanks bruh here’s  your sister then “ Marinete handed him the dildo

She then broke the pair of shades and did her pure cleansing shit (if you ask me I need some pure cleansing lol)

* * *

 

Marinette watched as the cucumber sat beside her on the bed ; “I’m sorry “ she mumbled “I..I’m still in love with someone else…”

The cucumber sighed “its okay dude…”

“I’m sorry”

“Don’t be. I knew I was too good for you”

“Lmao yeah sureeeee”

“Anyway , I guess I should head back to china huh”

“yeah you should “ she insisted

“okay gimme an hour or so to pack my weed up before I go”

“okay dude”

And with that the cucumber left slong with his twin sister q-cumber.

But the story is far from over as a croissant from Marinette’s bakery proceeded to walk out In the dead of night, where was the croissant going? How knows… maybe he’s on his way to a certain models house…*writer laughs demonically*

* * *

“oh Adrien...  wouldn't you want to make Marinette jealous?” the croissant lifted its leg extending it onto Adrien’s shoulder .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter wasn't as funny as the other lol soz, the next chapter will be a lot better. sorry for lazy writing and mistakes + expect another chapter soon cause i dot have school and i'm bored asf


	4. croissant lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien, a croissant and Marinette being a dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay how about i update like everyday or so with 400 words, does that sound good?

 

“ah” Adrien’s moans echoed “croissants-senpai “

“shhhh Adrien “ the croissant whispered seductively “wouldn’t want your daddy to hear you”

‘oh god’ Adrien thought. His dad was in his office, he could walk in any minute to see him and a croissant ‘getting it on’

“well if y-you don’t want my dad to hear us then s-stop making me feel so good”

“talking back now are we?” the croissant tightened his grip around Adrien’s member “I guess I’ll have to punish you even more”

“ah”

* * *

 

“Dude what’s wrong you’re looking a little down” Nino punched his shoulder in a ‘bro’ way

“I’m okay Nino don’t worry “he smiled “just tired”

“Whatever dude”

Once break started Adrien disappeared off into the bathroom;

“Adrien are you okay” Plagg asked concerned “are you really hung up on that croissant?”

“no, I.. I don’t know..” Adrien sighed “I only did it with the croissant to try and make Marinnette jealous but… I don’t know . I feel kind of guilty…”

“Adrien. It’s a fucking cucumber are you serious…and you fucked a croissant like dude wtf”

“shut up plagg”

* * *

 

After school Adrien was invited over Marinette’s house to play video games, everything was fine of course before her parents walked in offering croissants.

“honey you want some croissants while you guys okay?”

“no thanks mom I’m good” no no no no no no fuck you MArinette I need those croissants

“you sure honey?” Marinette . don’t be a little dick and gimme a croissant for fuck sake

“yeah mom we’re good “ NO WE ARE NOT GOOD I WANT A CROISSANT MARINETTE FACK YOU

* * *

 

Its was about 8pm when Adrien got home, he sighed at the tiredness and at how Marinette didn’t let him eat the croissants. ‘geez’ he thought ‘she might aswell let me eat I was the guest…I would even  be fine with just eating her out’ (wink wonk)

He breathed out heavily as he flopped onto his bed;

“uh you okay babe?” the large lady-like croissant moved over and sat beside the bed “you look real tired there honey boo~”

“shut up “ Adrien couldn’t take it anymore “what do you know your just bread…”

“oh okay then no need to be rude m8 only a little banter geez”

“fack off croissant.. you think you well’hard don’t you”

“says you “ the croissant pointed at his dick

“haha very funny you beng”

“lmao you need help with that thought don’t you”

“yeah I do m8”

“aite I’ll go get the lube” the croissant began to look for some butter spread

“you better” Adrien scoffed “my dick was covered with pastry crust last time we were done "

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for lazy writing and mistakes (haha no I'm not)


	5. more fruits and a little marichat cause y not lol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the promise of marichat almost fufilled and Marinette seems to be able to shove fruits inside her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol im back with more lazy writing

Marinette was once again stressed and needed to masturbate. This time she did not want a cucumber, cause god OH GOD SHE DID NOT WANT TO FIGHT AN AKUMA CUCUMBER AGAIN.

“Marinette are you okay?” tikki cooed over to her

“nah m8 I am not  okay “  tikki sighed

  “I am not getting you another cucumber this time-“

“yeah yeah I know but like m8 , I need to get some right now”

“so whats holding you back? Go call Alya over or something if you want sex so bad”

“nah I am not doing it with Alya again, that girls got a jungle in-between her legs “

“well then why don’t you ask chat?” Marinnete raised her fleeky eyebrows at the idea. It didn’t sound bad and could be worth a shot?

* * *

 

She walked out onto her balcony at about 5pm, she gently placed a few pieces of catnip onto the concrete like rails and waited.

Ofcourse chat being the adorable dork he was landed on Marinette’s balcony and accepted the catnip.

* * *

 

Adrien openend his eyes to find Marinnette hovering over him, his vision blurry pink;

“ughhfguh fg **whats going on?** ashdaoisdh aowi” lmao he is tripping bolz right now

“shhhh kitty” Marinette hushed him with a finger pressed to his lips

“asdlaiwehfclaksnclawojflkasjdlaksj **okay** ….”

* * *

 

Adrien woke up feeling an exposed cool air over his body, he scanned the room seeing cucumbers, mangoes and crumbs of bread covered in white or clear sticky substances. “okay what the actually fuck is going on? “

“lmao you guys were kinda rough on us” OK WTF WHO WAS TALKING OMFFFFFF “lmao Adrien you got your cum all over me” Adrien scanned the room again. Marinette was lying next to him butt-naked, which was a good surprise… “UH adrien over here”  OKAY BUT WHO DAFUQ IS TALKING “adrien I’m here”  Adrien scanned the room again.

OH.MY.GOD… “lmao hi adrien”

“OKAY NO WHATTTTTT THE FUCKKKK IS GOING ON M8”

“uh well you, Marinnette and a few other fruits got it on last night..” Nathanael giggled

“YEAH BUT DUDE WHY ARE YOU A TOMATO”

“well how else was I supposed to fit inside Marinnette’s tight hole?”  
“WHATTTTTTTTTT?????????????!?!?!!!!??”

“dude why are you so surprised ? you’re the one that practically forced me through that cave”

“lmao you mean to say you actually fit inside her?”

“yeah course I did dude, and oh man its dark in there, its like swimming in the dark”

“lmao okay “  
“mann next time we should totally see if we could fit a pineapple inside Marinette “

“lmao okay why not?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for mistakes (no im not)


	6. south east london au

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a brief summary of last chapter but more proper english-e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aite so i live in a part of south london where the slang is ridiculous so im writing an Au on my experience

  
“oh my god nathnael, you absolute spanner what are you doing fam?”

“alright alright calm down m8 no need to get larry with me ere”

“bruv what the actually  dung is going on, why the fuck am I in bed with Mari?”  
“what you on about? You don’t remember fucking that pine last night?”

“what did I actually fuck er last night?  
“yes you did and hoollaaaay shat you guy are roughies “

“oh yeah was she was obviously bare wet”

“oh m8 she was well denched and danked ”

Adrien scanned at Marinettes body lying next to him

“oh ma gud she is well fit” little adrien then got excited

“…”

“M8 you are an absuloute wanker for sureeee”

Adrien ran towards the bathroom

“be back in a jizz lad”

“aite m8”

“wanna go have a fat shad at sainsburys after fam?”  
“only if ya promise me a cheeky nandos on the way back “

* * *

 

After the nite of cheeky nandos the lads decided to get some danke poppadoms .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the goal was to fit as many slang in less than a 200 words, idk if i even spelt anything right


	7. canteen and other things sticky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nathanael and nino are aqainted whilst Marinette and adrien are busy cleaning fruit off their dicks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow its been a while

He had sex with Marinette. He mentally fist pumped the air in praise. He had sex with Marinette, a cucumber, mango , bread and a tomato that was technically Nathanael. _Score!!_.

Marinette wasn’t feeling as good as Adrien as she was late for school cleaning bread crumbs off of her pubic hair along with other fruit juices.

And Nathanael. Well he was walking to school not trying to get squished by the pedestrians, he was still in his tomato form and didn’t know how the fuck he was gonna change back.

“gurlllll your telling me you were late cause you were cleaning food off your vag?”

“yup”

“And who exactly put the food up that tight hole of yours?”  
“Chat noir….”

“WHAAAAAAA????”

“YA THAT’S RIGHT HOE BE JEALOUS” Marinette teased

“YOUR KIDDING RIGHT ?!?!?”  
“nope “

“WHAAAA OMF MARINETTE YOU KNOW  I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO SIT ON THAT BOYS FACE “

“yup”  
“AND YOU HAD FOOD SEX WITH HIM LAST NIGHT?!?”  
“yes . yes I did “

“THAT’S NOT FAIR MARINETTE, LETS HAVE A THREESOME BBY PLS “

* * *

 

Lunch break was akward as Adrien didn’t know how to act around the food that was placed on his plate, gulping guiltily as the dinner lady placed a few cucumber slices on his palate.

Nathanael on the other hand was lonely, being stuck in the small fruit form he was he sat alone hoping no one would accidently sit on him.

“yo” the tomato gasped as his sudden turn in sociability

“H-HI” he yelled out hesitatingly “wait a minute…. NINO?!?!?!?”  
“hehe yo bro dude swiggy bruh “ Nino sat next to him

“NINO WHY ARE YOU A PIECE OF FRIED CHICKEN?”

“lmao who knows”

“DON’T LMAO ME WHY ARE YOU CHICKEN?”

“cause I like KFC?”

“Oh look at those two sexualised fruits” Chloe cackled , the canteen became silent “I mean who would ever want to get a boyfriend who’s the shape of a tomato, it’s stupid ;  I bet you’re both virgins huh? “ she giggled allowed

“WHa ? no i-im not…” Nathanael spoke, the canteed silent before marinette yelled

“YEAH AND I CAN PROOVE IT”  silence. Then;

“YEAH I CAN TOO” yelled Adrien. Nathanael was happy, his friends were sticking up for him, he sadly wished he could do the same when the time came.

Everyone cheered at the ultimate show down with Chloe, Sabrina troubled by telling everyone to shut up and to stop being annoying. The canteen quieted again.

“look okay-“ chloe was interrupted by Adrien hushing her lips with his finger (he used that finger to finger marinette, ew adrien wtf)

“chloe… were you invited to nathanael’s barbecue?” chloe hesitated to answer

“n-no…”

“THEN STOP GETTING UP IN HIS GRILL”

The whole canteen yelled “ OOOOOOOOoooooOOOOooOOOOOoOOOOoOOO”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> want a better picture of what the fruits look like? check my instagram @cat.noirr  
> if you haven't seen my instagram than there a reason why your confused :)

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for lazy writing and any mistakes.


End file.
